Santana watched him hold the knife like Karofsky was going to walk in the door and Blaine was planning to stab him the second he did. Santana took a tentative step forward and put her hand over his, taking the knife from his vicious grip. She laid it down and rested her hand on his cheek. “Go take a nap. A nap away from Kurt on the pull out couch because if he wakes up from a nightmare you wont sleep after that and you wont tell me about it cause you know I’ll just say what you already know. Just rest and I’ll get dinner together. I’ve watched you make that soup ten million times. I know the recipe by heart, okay? Please sleep, and you can dream of killing the bastard as often as you want, but don’t really do it, okay? Murder goes down much worse in court than rape does, unfortunately.”
Blaine bit his lip and looked down. “Santana, please.. You know if given the opportunity, he’d take me down before I got the chance to even lift a finger…” he said sadly, before walking into the living room. Instead of bulling out the bed, he just collapsed onto the couch, pulling one of the blankets over him. Draco jumped up next to him and cuddled into Blaine’s neck, purring, knowing that Blaine was upset and trying to make him feel better. It was the same way as Harry not leaving Kurt’s side at like all. Blaine sighed softly and kissed Draco’s head, before closing his eyes and passing out almost immediately.
Santana just sighed and closed her phone, too close to bother replying via text. She got there and unlocked the door with her own key that Blaine had gotten made for her. She argued with him about it, saying she could just take Kurt’s, but Blaine was not for that. “Honey, I’m home!” She called, not too loudly, knowing that Kurt was probably either asleep or pretending to be asleep. She walked into the kitchen and leaned on the doorway, crossing her arms. “You know he’s in no condition to be talking about, being convinced, or even thinking about a trial of any sort. Can you imagine how hard it would be to be him, knowing that Karofsky’s still out there and knowing that Karofsky’s running from the police who have search warrents out and shit? We don’t even know what Karofsky said to him to get him to be this quiet. It took you a month just to get the name, Blaine. He probably threatened him, and even worse, you.”
Blaine sighed. “Hello to you, too,” he said, his tone filled with a mixture of sarcasm and exhaustion. Blaine didn’t bother looking up, he just kept making the salad he was currently making. He was really too tired to do anything else and neither of them had actually been eating super healthy, though Blaine had been trying. He was getting a lot better at cooking, but that didn’t mean the things he made were exactly healthy. “Look, I know. I don’t plan on forcing any of that on him. I will wait until he’s ready. I’m just nervous that when he’s finally ready, it will be too late.” Blaine turned to Santana then. “I’m sure you can understand that. But we deserve the retribution. Karofsky deserves to rot in hell for what he did. There was a time when I felt sorry for him… So desperately deep in the closet… Then he’s goes and does this and ruins everything…” Blaine closed his eyes and flexed his fingers around the handle of the knife in his hand. Probably not the best idea to be handling a sharp object, but Blaine wasn’t having the easiest time thinking clearly.
Kurt barely calmed down, and the second he did pass out, it was full of new nightmares. He couldn’t call the cops. He never thought Karofsky would hurt him again, but he didn’t know what Karofsky was capable of, he realized. And Blaine didn’t know either. Kurt couldn’t let him hurt him and Blaine anymore. He just… he couldn’t let it happen. But that’s what his nightmares were full of. Suffering… watching Blaine suffer… for Kurts constant issue of keeping his mouth shut. Santana got the text and sighed, rubbing her temples and kissing Britt on the forehead before grabbing her things and heading out the door as she replied to Blaine. “Yeah, I know. On my way. Don’t do anything rash. Do what Kurt wants. It’s his call if he wants to press charges. I know you want what’s best for him, but he knows that just as well as you do. Give his brain time to heal before you put a police investigation on him, okay?”
Blaine sighed when he read Santana’s text and typed out a reply. “I’m not going to do anything until he tells me too, but I don’t think he realizes that the longer you wait, the harder it is to get a solid case! I just want to be able to have some kind of sense of safety. We won’t get that until Karofsky is in jail.” He pressed send and sat down on the couch, putting his head in his hands and whimpering. Blaine felt so strained. He wanted to take care of Kurt, and taking care of Kurt resulted in not taking care of himself. He hadn’t been sleeping well, he was unattentive in classes. He didn’t want to do anything except be with Kurt and make sure he ate something or used the cream. The exhaustion was taking it’s toll, but Blaine didn’t want Kurt to see that. He had to be strong for him. Blaine leaned back and closed his eyes, before getting up and going to the kitchen to figure out what to make for dinner.
Kurt started shaking his head no the second Blaine started going on about the police and getting him arrested. He repeated no over and over and over again trying to get Blaine to hear him but he couldn’t and he didn’t even know if the words were coming out anymore, all he could do was keep saying them and he pushed away from Blaine and he was crying and everything was moving so fast it was choking him. He couldn’t call the cops. Blaine couldn’t. Kurt didn’t tell him to get the cops involved. That was the last thing Kurt needed. To go through a 3 year long lawsuit to get him to go to jail while he’s roaming the streets until the verdict? No. No he didn’t ever want that. He just wanted Blaine to be safe. “No no no no no no! No! Stop! Safe… not safe… we’re not safe! No cops… please no police…” Kurt begged, over and over, not able to form coherent sentences, but trying anyway, needing Blaine to understand, even in the manic state that he was in. He was hysterical, shaking and begging and heaving and about ready to throw up the lunch that Blaine had made him eat earlier.
Blaine grabbed Kurt’s shoulders and tried to get him to stop pushing Blaine away. “Hey hey hey, shh, shh… It’s okay, Kurt… If you don’t want me to… I just thought…” he whispered, before pulling Kurt into his arms and rubbing his back soothingly. “Relax, alright. Everything’s going to be okay.” Blaine kissed Kurt’s head and pulled back to look at him. “Baby, why don’t you get some sleep while I make dinner? I’ll bring it to you when it’s ready.” Blaine tucked Kurt back into the blankets and pulled on a pair of boxers. He walked out of the bedroom and grabbed his phone off the coffee table. Blaine looked towards the bedroom and sighed. Kurt wouldn’t like this, but Blaine had to do something. He typed out a quick text. “Karofsky” was all it said. He then scrolled through his contacts for the name and found it: Santana. He selected her, then pressed send.
Kurt wasn’t taken off guard by it at all. He knew Blaine was close. He didn’t know how he did, but he knew that Blaine was close. He helped Blaine through his orgasm and then pulled back, opening his eyes to look at the cum dripping from his hand. He took a short kitten lick of it, tentative, before he wiped his hand clean on the mattress. It wasn’t that it didn’t taste good. It did. Delicious, even. But too much. Too much to handle at one time. Touching Blaine was step one, he guessed. But that… that was a whole knew floor let alone stair. He rested his head on Blaine’s shoulder and closed his eyes, listening as Blaine’s heart slowed down to it’s normal pace. When it did, his mouth twitched and tears suddenly filled his eyes. He coughed, and he knew he had to look at him. Knew he couldn’t say it without looking Blaine in the eye. “Karofsky.” He whispered, his voice broken. “Dave Karofsky.” Blaine was slowly knocking down the walls that Kurt built the second it happened, and that meant, step by step, he was going to get pieces of the puzzle. Because once a brick was taken out of that wall, that hole became one thing Kurt couldn’t hold on his shoulders anymore, and needed the love of his life to help him.
Blaine froze when Kurt spoke the name. Red hot anger filled him, his blood boiled, and every other cliched anger phrase Blaine could possibly think of was happening to him. He wanted nothing more than to go beat that meathead to a pulp, but he couldn’t, because the height factor meant Blaine had about a .0% chance of actually winning a fight against the guy. So Blaine had to go about this the smart way, the right way, the way that would keep him alive and get Kurt the justice he deserved. Blaine leaned over and kissed Kurt’s forehead gently. “Please say you’ll press charges. If you say you will, I’ll call the police right now. They’ll get him and he’ll never be able to touch you again, and he’ll get what’s coming to him in prison.” Blaine cupped Kurt’s face and wiped away his tears gently. “You’re so strong for telling me, Kurt. A lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. So just say the word and you’ll be safe.”
Kurt licked his lips and started moving faster, just a little, his grip tightening just enough. He knew Blaine, and he let his body move for itself, knowing Blaine’s body better than his mind did in its current state. He watched as Blaine came undone, smiling a little to himself, because he did that. He forgot how happy that made him. Well, right now, it was the closest to happiness he’d felt in a long time. He kept twisting his wrist at the head, and he leaned forward and kissed Blaine’s chest softly, closing his eyes and letting himself feel without having to examine everything that came an inch too close to him. He knew Blaines feel and taste and smell and this was Blaine. This was the man he loved, and that was his heart beat echoing in his skull. And that made him feel… better.
Blaine’s moans grew louder and his breaths were coming out in short harsh pants. Heat was coiling low in his stomach. Kurt was still able to play his body like a violin. It was like Kurt knew Blaine’s body than Blaine himself did. It only took a couple more twists of the wrist and feeling his lips against his chest, before Blaine was coming hard, his entire body trembling as his orgasm hit. He groaned out Kurt’s name. Blaine still held himself back from thrusting, but Kurt kept moving his hand through Blaine’s orgasm. When he finally came down, Blaine collapsed back against the bed, gasping and trying desperately to catch his breath. He hadn’t had a truly satisfying orgasm in what felt like forever and he was a little caught off guard by it. “Wow…” he whispered, smiling a smile that finally reached his eyes.
Kurt shook his head again, smiling a little at Blaine. Sh, he repeated. He wasn’t doing this for Blaine, though that was a plus. He was doing this for himself. It had been too long and he’d forgotten how much he loved being able to feel Blaine shiver like this just from a simple touch. After another moment, he wrapped his fingers firmly around the base, gathering his courage and giving Blaine a pump, and a twist of his wrist, his brain remembering things from before that he hadn’t consciously thought about. He did it again and again, watching Blaine’s body react, his stomach twitching as he was taken over by pleasure. His fingers as they gripped the bed. His face as it scrunched and he tried with everything he had to keep watching what Kurt was doing. This was good. This wasn’t hurtful in any way, and he knew that. Part of it still scared him, but that wasn’t this. This was easy and simple and this was just a part of Blaine that Kurt loved and he didn’t know what part to watch of Blaine as he kept going.
Blaine’s eyes shut of their own accord as Kurt stroked him slowly, languidly. He hadn’t felt like this in a while, and boy was it a welcome change. It felt like the first time Kurt ever touched him. Every nerve-ending in his body was going crazy and his head was spinning slightly and everything was Kurt and his hand. Blaine let out a soft, breathy moan. He hadn’t meant to, he wanted to keep it in, but he couldn’t help it. “Kurt…” Blaine whimpered. His back arched, and it took everything in Blaine not to thrust into Kurt’s fist. The friction was too little and too much all at the same time, just for the fact that it was Kurt and it had been so long and he was doing this because he needed to and wanted to. “I love you…”
Kurt shook his head, worrying his lip between his teeth before he slowly raised his hand to Blaine’s chest, running his fingers down at a snails pace, eyes still set on Blaines penis. He touched his pointer finger to the base gently, his hand shaking a little, but his jaw was set and his eyes were focused. He needed to not be afraid of this anymore. Maybe of the… other things… but not of this. This was just Blaine. Always and only just Blaine. And Blaine was nothing to be scared of. Blaine was the last thing in the world to be scared of. He ran the tip of his finger over the vein on the side of his dick, running it all the way up to the head, and he licked his lips, subconsciously knowing what normally would be coming next, but he was beyond not ready for that. He just touched it, getting the feel for it again. It was warm, and it got harder under his touch, and that thrilled him and scared him at the same time, and he tried to ignore the memories that brought up, and that was almost impossible, but then he just reminded himself… that this was Blaine.
Blaine shivered as Kurt touched his penis. He hadn’t gotten any attention from Kurt in so long, and by even the slightest touch was so vastly different from his own hand on him. Just the tip of Kurt’s finger was still amazingly soft and he was acutely aware of the feel. Blaine worried his lip between his teeth, trying not to close his eyes, so that he could watch his fiance. He didn’t want to miss this. This was progress. Blaine flushed. “Kurt… You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he assured, stroking Kurt’s hair gently. “I’m actually kinda embarassed that you had to see this… I know how uncomfortable you’ve been.”
Kurt grabbed Blaine’s arm and pulled him back to the bed, leaning on his elbow to stay up as he made Blaine lay back down. He shook his head, saying sh softly, his brows furrowing when he looked back at the now very uncovered… penis in front of him. He’d seen Blaine naked plenty of times in the last month since it happened. But Blaine had been very careful not to have Kurt see him aroused, due to the fact that he was sure Kurt would feel like he was expecting something, which Kurt didn’t feel. He was just curious, almost… forgetting… what he was supposed to do. How it worked. He bit his lip and just looked at it, taking it in. It looked so much bigger than he remembered. Not so… scary, really… just… a penis. It was just a penis.
Blaine stared at Kurt as he stared at Blaine’s penis. Blaine felt well… naked, under Kurt’s scrutiny. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to talk, because he was afraid he would scare Kurt and he didn’t want to move because he was afraid he would scare Kurt. He was just really afraid he would scare Kurt. Blaine bit his lower lip lightly. “Kurt…” he started softly, “It’s just my penis… I don’t… Why are you just staring at it? Are you uncomfortable? I can put on boxers after I fix the problem…”
Days had been pretty simple, always the same, rarely changing. Blaine went to school, Kurt slept and didn’t move unless he had to haul himself to the bathroom. Rachel brought him all of his work, which he did none of, and he stayed in his little corner of the world, unable to cope with the harsh reality of what was done to him and Blaine. He rarely spoke, only when absolutely necessary. There wasn’t a conversation to be had in the apartment, unless Santana came home, which she did when Blaine asked her to, being a month in. Kurt woke up, didn’t eat, fell back asleep and woke up and fell back asleep and was woken up by Blaine coming home who force fed him lunch, then he fell back asleep and Blaine went to his next class and he woke up and back to sleep and back up and back to sleep and then Blaine came home and force fed him dinner, held him while he slept some more, bathed him, did his moisturizing routine that he didn’t care about anymore, put the cream on, brushed his teeth for him, got him ready for bed, and held him as he slept some more. Every day the same old thing. Kurt lost track of days and times and didn’t care to look at his phone or clocks because what did that matter when your life was haulted? But one day, he woke up from a nap on a Saturday afternoon, Blaine home all day to just hold him, and they typically stayed naked if Santana wasn’t around because now that Kurt was comfortable with that vulnerability, no one wanted to go back any steps, and it just felt nice to be close to someone like that, especially when Kurt was so drawn in with everything else. But one morning, he woke up before Blaine, which was rare, considering how much he slept. His head was on Blaine’s chest like it usually was, Blaine’s arm draped around him, but when he opened his eyes, a very… prominent bulge was in front of him. Well, not a bulge. A mountain draped causally by a blanket. He gulped and his heart sped up, sudden uncharted territory right in his face. He knew it, he knew it from base to tip, he knew he did, but that didn’t get rid of the fear before that. His nails dug into Blaine’s chest a little, and he shook a little, just looking at it, entranced and scared out of his mind at the same time.
Blaine had gotten incredibly used to this routine. Sure, he wished that they could go back to the way they were, but he knew it wasn’t going to happen. So Blaine just focused on making Kurt feel comfortable, even getting a soft smile out of him once or twice, though they didn’t reach his eyes. Blaine was convinced he could get Kurt to smile for real one day, but he would just have to be patient until then. And while he wasn’t filled with sexual tension when he was awake, that didn’t stop his dreams. He was usually awake before Kurt, therefore able to stop it, but this time he wasn’t… Blaine was startled awake when he felt Kurt’s nails in his skin. “Kurt! Kurt! It’s just me, baby! It’s just mine.. You know that, relax!” he said, trying to calm Kurt down. Blaine cupped Kurt’s chin and forced him to look up at Blaine. “Honey, I can’t control my dreams… Let me just go take care of this, okay?” Blaine kissed Kurt’s forehead and got off the bed.